Is it okay to ask for money as a wedding gift?

Yes. But there's a better way to do it than putting your bank details on the invitation. Asking for money instead of physical wedding presents has become increasingly normal, particularly for couples who already have a home together. The etiquette hasn't disappeared, though. The trick is to make it feel like an invitation, not an invoice.

Why couples ask for contributions

It's rarely because couples have suddenly become obsessed with cash.

Usually it's much more practical.

They already have a home full of things.

They're saving towards something meaningful.

Or they simply don't want friends and relatives spending money on objects they may never use.

In that situation, ten well-intentioned physical presents can be less useful than those same ten guests contributing towards something the couple genuinely wants.

Why people sometimes feel uncomfortable about it

Money feels different from a wrapped present.

A physical gift hides the price.

Money puts the number right there.

That can make both sides slightly self-conscious.

Guests may wonder how much is expected. Couples may worry that asking feels impolite.

The easiest way around this is to take the pressure out of it.

• Make clear that gifts are optional.
• Let guests choose their own contribution.
• Avoid language that suggests a particular amount.

Nobody should feel as though there is a wedding entrance fee.

How to phrase it

You don't need a poem.

In fact, you definitely don't need a poem if poetry isn't normally how you communicate with your friends.

Plain English usually sounds warmer.

Or:

It says everything it needs to say without turning into a negotiation.

A contribution list feels different from asking for cash

There's also a useful distinction between asking guests to transfer money directly into your bank account and creating an actual wedding gift list.

The latter still feels like gifting.

Guests visit your wedding list.

They choose what they'd like to contribute.

They can leave you a personal message.

And those contributions form one shared wedding present from your friends and family.

That little bit of structure matters.

What should guests contribute?

Whatever feels right to them.

There really isn't a universal number.

Someone attending your wedding with their whole family may approach gifting differently from a university friend travelling across the country and paying for a hotel.

That's why the best approach is not to suggest an amount at all.

Let people give comfortably.

The thought behind the contribution matters more than whether everybody gave the same figure.

Keep it gracious

Ultimately, good wedding gift etiquette is remarkably simple.

• Don't expect.
• Don't pressure.
• Be grateful.
• Make it easy for people who want to give you something.

Everything else is detail.