Wedding gifts when you already live together

You have a kettle. You have bedding. You have enough mugs to open a small café. So what exactly are you supposed to put on a wedding gift list? It's a very modern wedding problem. For generations, wedding presents helped couples set up their first home together. Today, plenty of couples have already been living together for years before they get married. The house is set up. The cupboards are full. And the idea of creating a list containing 80 household products you don't really need can feel faintly ridiculous. Fortunately, you don't have to.

You don't need to invent things to ask for

This sounds obvious, but traditional gift lists can create a strange pressure to find enough products to fill the list.

Suddenly you're considering whether your perfectly good towels need replacing because apparently towels are something people put on wedding lists.

Don't.

If you don't need more things, don't ask for more things.

A wedding gift should add something to your life, not simply add something to your cupboards.

Think bigger, not more

One of the advantages of letting guests contribute together is that lots of smaller gifts can become something genuinely useful.

Instead of receiving ten separate household items, you might put the combined value towards something you've been meaning to buy for years.

• Perhaps it's furniture for the house.
• Something for the garden.
• A proper coffee machine.
• New luggage.
• The ridiculously comfortable mattress you keep talking yourselves out of buying.

The gift becomes memorable because it's something you actually wanted.

Upgrade rather than accumulate

You might already own everything you technically need.

That doesn't mean everything you own is good.

Weddings can be a nice opportunity to replace the temporary things that somehow became permanent.

• The cheap pans you bought when you first moved in.
• The mismatched plates.
• The towels that have survived several house moves and probably deserve retirement.

You don't need an entirely new house worth of possessions. You can simply choose a few things that will make everyday life better.

Your guests usually prefer some guidance

Couples sometimes avoid having a wedding list because they worry it looks presumptuous.

The result can be the opposite of what they intended.

Guests still buy presents — they simply have to guess.

That's how you end up with three cheeseboards.

A little guidance is helpful.

You're not telling anyone that they have to give you a present. You're helping the people who already want to.

One shared gift can be much simpler

There's another option.

Instead of creating a traditional list of individual products, let guests contribute towards one shared wedding gift collection.

Everybody chooses what they'd like to give.

They can leave you a message.

And you aren't forced to decide six months before the wedding exactly what you're going to want afterwards.

There's something rather nice about that.

Lots of people you care about each contribute a little piece towards something you choose together.

Much better than mug number 37.